In the past two years, we've gotten Lost in a galaxy far, far away, as we've tried to predict the twists and turns of the NFL season. This year, we aren't playing around any more. We are here to crack some skulls and bring swift justice to the NFL. That's right, we are looking for a dark tone this year. With that, we give you the NFL in 2009...Batman style.
UPDATE: Looking back over this season, I'd say we did pretty well. Can you tell which conference we actually follow?
Prediction
AFC East
Batman Character
Result
Comment
Patriots
13-3
Clooney Batman:
Looked like the hero, but the nipply batsuit was creepy and evil.
10-6
Seriously underperformed expectations. Health of franchise in doubt.
Bills
7-9
Killer Croc:
A classic case of alligator arms.
6-10
Doomed to live in the sewer
Dolphins
6-10
Mr. Freeze:
Scares no one, but we can't stop staring at it.
7-9
Defense needed thawed out
Jets
4-12
Young Bruce Wayne:
Too inexperienced to hurt the real villains yet
9-7
Batman Begins
You couldn't ask for a better start to a franchise reboot.
Prediction
AFC North
Batman Character
Steelers
11-5
Keaton Batman: Hard to argue with the success, but that doesn't mean we have to like it.
9-7
A little overrated.
Ravens
10-6
The Joker: Crazy is written all over his face.
9-7
Turned upside down, but still kicking
Bengals
6-10
The Scarecrow: Equal parts disturbing and hilarious.
10-6
The Scarecrow (Batman Begins):
Not my choice for an ideal foe, but it worked out, I suppose.
Browns
5-11
Chirs O'Donnel Robin:
Sexy is not the same as talented
5-11
A once promising career, now destined for second string roles
Prediction
AFC South
Batman Character
Colts
12-4
The Dark Knight:
The hero we deserve and the hero we need.
14-2
He'll take the blame...even though it's not his fault.
Texans
10-6
Poison Ivy (BTAS):
Hard to resist the temptation
9-7
Get in bed with them, and you'll get a rash
Titans
9-7
Bane:
Worthy enemy known mostly for his physical prowess.
8-8
Will pound on you, but if you are smart you can beat them.
Jaguars
6-10
Cat woman:
No one goes to see them. Destined to get screwed by Batman
7-9
P--sy
Prediction
AFC West
Batman Character
Chargers
14-2
Commissioner Gordon:
Good at his job, but not nearly as interesting as Batman
13-3
Second fiddle.
Chiefs
9-7
Harley Quinn:
Not as brilliant as the originally criminally insane clown.
4-12
Heist Henchmen
Getting offed early
Raiders
5-11
Alfred (Batman and Robin):
Old man who keeps on helping out Batman. Frankly, the relationship disturbs me.
5-11
Die already.
Broncos
4-12
Two Face (Batman Forever):
A disaster from the moment we laid eyes on it.
8-8
First they're good, then evil, finally pathetic.
Prediction
NFC East
Batman Character
Giants
11-5
Mr. and Mrs. Wayne:
Tragically gunned down. The survivor never recovered.
8-8
Dead before the second act
Eagles
11-5
Manbat:
The victim of a lame experiment gone horribly wrong
11-5
Got more attention than they deserved
Cowboys
7-9
The Mad Hatter: Believes he is the protagonist of the story, but can't nail the ending.
11-5
Stately Wayne Manor:
Over the top, but functional
Redskins
6-10
The Ventriloquist:
No matter whose lips are moving, we know who is pulling the strings
4-12
Gums flapping, but no one is listening.
Prediction
NFC North
Batman Character
Bears
12-4
Clayface:
Remarkably transformed, strong and adaptable
7-9
Owlman
Throwing to the wrong team
Vikings
8-8
Batman (Adam West):
Old and dated. Lingering scent of cheese
12-4
Old Bruce Wayne:
Don't mess with this dude. He may be gone, but you know he's coming back.
Packers
7-9
Bruce Wayne:
Batman without the hero complex
11-5
Silver Age Batman:
Classic hero type
Lions
6-10
Penguin (Batman Returns):
Disgusting...if you bother to watch
2-14
Still smells fishy
Prediction
NFC South
Batman Character
Saints
10-6
Batman Squirt Gun:
Truly frightening weapon. We aren't sure what it is good for.
13-3
Grappling Gun:
Multi-use weapon saves the day in inventive and unexpected ways.
Panthers
7-9
The Henchmen:
Interchangeable parts deliver a beating, but won't ensure victory.
8-8
Cause a little chaos, but lack a competent point man.
Falcons
6-10
Robin:
Young. Seemed like a good idea at the time, but gets worse as things move along.
9-7
Heading in the wrong direction
Bucs
5-11
The Riddler (TV):
A lot more questions than answers
3-13
Has a screw loose upstairs
Prediction
NFC West
Batman Character
Seahawks
10-6
Old Batman (The Dark Knight Returns):
He's back...but he's showing his age.
5-11
Lego Batman
Broken into little pieces
Rams
8-8
Nicole Kidman as Chase Meridan:
Totally out of place on this list. Not at all where you would expect to find them.
Perfect written by Doug England,
September 10, 2009
I love the Batman theme. If just for the fact that the Clooney Batman for the Pats was perfect.
+0
In homage to "Heaven Can Wait" written by Doug England,
September 10, 2009
Since it's my post, I'm casting myself in the Warren Beatty role:
Reporter: So Doug, what do you think about the Colt's chances this year?
Me: I think we are going to the Super Bowl, and I think we are going to win.
Report: No, seriously, off the record.
Me: Off the record... I think we are going to the Super Bowl and I think we are going to win.
+0
... written by DemondSanders,
September 10, 2009
Heaven Can Wait... nice... also known as the most recent movie that TCM is allowed to air.
+0
...too true written by Doug England,
September 10, 2009
If you mean the 1943 version.
+0
Hilarious! written by smonroe,
September 10, 2009
And strange! Probably the most unique analysis for NFL predictions that I've seen so far. Although a few years ago a guy in my fantasy league compared all the teams with pro wrestlers.
Lost in the entertainment was your predictions for wins for the Chiefs (9). I'll take the under bet on that one and spot you 4 games (unless you're counting wins against the spread).
Someone in that division HAS to win some games. Denver is horrible. Oakland is horrible. There's maybe 3 or 4 wins for KC right there.
+1
... written by skywalker,
September 10, 2009
Batman is perfect just for the fact that there are sooo many characters to use. Also if you believe the Scarecrow to be disturbing AND hilarious i think you should play the new batman video game. quite the opposite lol.
+0
... written by Derek,
September 11, 2009
Damn fine post.
+0
... written by MR,
September 11, 2009
I just can't understand the Chargers hype.
They were 8-8 last year, they have another year of Norvbit, I don't know why anyone is buying the resurgence of LT (him getting hurt helped the team last year)...I just don't see it.
What about that teams focus last year in managing to take a 13-3 talent level team in a bad division with at least 5 built in wins and probably more like six and turning it into 8-8?
14-2 is a crazy high number for them to me.
+0
... written by BH,
September 11, 2009
The Bears - a team with no receivers and a horribly dated defense at 12-4? Nuts! Meanwhile, Favre being old means Adrian Peterson is irrelevant why?
RE: Bears, Chargers, and Vikings. We based all predictions on a combo of three things: 1. The footballoutsiders DVOA system and projected wins 2. Pythagorean wins 3. Looking at the schedule
So we don't believe in the Vikings because running backs, even great ones, aren't necessarily that important. Peterson alone won't win as many games as Favre and Childress lose. You can't play a running/defensive type of game with a turnover prone QB. It doesn't work.
The Chargers schedule is insanely easy. I don't think they are great, but I think they play some horrible teams.
I love what the Bears have done and don't think WRs are nearly as important as QBs.
+0
... written by DemondSanders,
September 11, 2009
For the record I let DZ pick the records, because I'm lazy. I would have had the Falcons, Vikings, and Pack higher. The rest is on the money... maybe the Chargers are a bit high, but they should win all six division games.
+0
9-7 Titans? written by TitanUpSon,
September 11, 2009
This isnt 05. I'd be suprised it they lose another game....losing the the SB Champs by 3 in OT isnt a horrid way to open the season...
+0
... written by DZ,
September 11, 2009
The numbers say otherwise. The Titans over performed last year and lost their best player.
We didn't make these picks based on just opinion. They were a bit "lucky" last year, and the numbers say they come back to earth.
I watched the game last night. I saw nothing that made me change my mind about them.
+0
Wow written by the K,
September 12, 2009
OK, great job, this is by far the funniest NFL preview I read this year.
Niner fan living in Southern Indiana. Loved the post. Wonderful job. Don't fall asleep on the Niners, though! They won't walk into Lucas Oil and come out with a win, but they're tougher than you think!
The tights thing was awesome. nice.
+0
... written by LBTS,
September 13, 2009
I appreciate all the time it took to put this in place. Great job guys!
+0
... written by Hamish ,
September 14, 2009
wow Chicago and Rams that high, really? where you on crack when you did these rankings
+0
... written by Anonymous Lee,
September 14, 2009
11-5 / 12-4 and once again one-and-done in the playoffs. Batboy dies a slow death. Indy indeed got what they deserve.
Very nice reading. Kudos for inventing the word nipply. Now, uninvent it, please. The squirt gun is truly baffling. Frank Gorshen rocked! And on NO day does anyone need an excuse to show me a picture of Lee Meriweather in... whatever the hell she was wearing back then. Years (and years) ago at a party a lesbian friend and I started talking about the TV series and then "argued" about who would get Batgirl if she walked into the room. Apparently she was a big fan as well. Thankfully, Ms Meriweather didn't show and we avoided fisticuffs....
+0
Hindsight is 20-20 written by Davekan,
October 05, 2009
Hard to believe the Broncos are going to lose the last 12 games in a row...bummer...
+0
... written by DZ,
October 05, 2009
Nope, but they will lose their next 7 in a row at least.
Can't anyone figure out the point was to be funny more than to be right? Besides that, I have 5 of the 8 division leaders correct right now, and I wouldn't be stunned if the Giants or Chargers storm back to win theirs.
Because, no. I still don't buy the Broncos.
+0
so... written by vintagephoenix,
November 25, 2009
where are all the Bronco fans now?
+0
... written by DZ,
November 25, 2009
I must admit, I happily chuckled out loud at that.
+0
... written by vintagephoenix,
November 26, 2009
honestly, if they hadn't gotten so personal, I'd leave it alone. Damn it, this stuff was funny. I used to laugh at "Lord help our Colts" even after depressing losses. I would lol like crazy at this if I were a Bengals fan.
+0
Not to be mean, well i suppose i shall be written by BIG BOSS BATALIA,
December 07, 2009
Someone obliviously needs to brush up on not only their football knowledge but also their batman knowledge. First off if you study your football information before posting this you would of learned more to put up better numbers seriously the Denver Broncos as Two Face "A disaster from the moment we laid eyes on it." listen buddy they are far from 4-12 they are 8-4, and as for your batman knowledge lets just say someone needs to have a movie night.
+0
... written by DZ,
December 08, 2009
Sigh. For the one millionth time:
DENVER IS A FRAUD. Yes, they are 8-4 but I'm not buying them.
And if you think Two Face in Batman forever was anything but a train wreck, I suggest you are the one who needs the movie night.
+0
And to expand from before..... written by Cass,
February 17, 2010
where are all the Denver fans now?
They turned out to be utter frauds. At the very least, they need a QB better than Orton and another WR. Marshall was their offense this year.
+0
... written by Westside Rob,
February 17, 2010
Nice recap. You guys were as on target as anyone... TMQ's annual NFL Predictions suck recap proves that. At least your predictions mix in the intentional humor that all predictions should be accompanied by. Though on the humor scale the Batman year didn't quite live up the awesomeness of Star Wars and Lost years, but I guess only Manning can be great almost every year...
+0
... written by Monkey Business,
February 17, 2010
Any chance we can get Marvel Superheroes/Villains next year?
This is hilarious and well done. I don't blame you for being a bit off in the NFC (games on FOX just don's feel the same.) How about a MONOPOLY game theme next year? I would love to see who is the dog game piece, the second prize in a beauty contest card, go directly to jail space, baltic avenue etc...
that is a great idea, TMAC. Popular enough that everyone would get the references, enough parts to include all the teams easily, and easily could get creative and funny.
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The Bloguin Network allows advertisers to promote their products and services to our ever-growing number of visitors. We offer both site-specific ad placements as well as the ability to run a network-wide campaign. If you're interested in working with Bloguin to meet your advertising needs, please contact us.
The Bloguin Network is always looking to expand. We're specifically looking for blogs in the sports, entertainment, and video games field, but are open to adding any type of quality site.. If you're a blogger and interested in joining our network, please fill out our application form.
The Bloguin Login gives you full access to everything our network has to offer. Your name and password will work for each and every one of our sites. Signing up is simple, and will allow you to post in all our forums, create member blogs, and access other cool features! What are you waiting for? Create an Account! 
"Seductive and effective villain, but never seems to close the deal."
Just a thought.