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Predicted NFL Standings for 2007 8-22-2007 We asked ourselves, "How should we present our predictions for the season?" Using Star Wars characters was the obvious answer. Actually, Star Wars is the answer to most important questions. |
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Prediction |
AFC EAST |
Star Wars Character |
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New England 11 - 5 |
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Emperor Palpatine Keeps Darth Vader (below) on a tight leash. Used to be terrifying, but now is just old and wrinkled. |
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New York 10 - 6 |
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Darth Maul The threatening apprentice. Knows what he's doing, but will still end up sliced in half at the bottom of a reactor shaft. |
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Buffalo 6 - 10 |
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Biggs
He was right there until the end, then he blew up.
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Miami 5 - 11 |
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Jar Jar Bumbling moron. |
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Prediction |
AFC NORTH |
Star Wars Character |
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Baltimore 12 - 4 |
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The Death Star Incredible defense against a large scale attack, but has a tendency to implode. |
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Pittsburgh 10 - 6 |
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Sebulba Wins a lot of pod races, but has been known to cheat. The shot at another title was undone by an ugly crash.
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Cincinnati 10 - 6 |
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Crix Madine Imprisoned, but he broke out just in time to lead a major offensive. |
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Cleveland 3 - 13 |
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Jawas They are small, brown, and constantly trading for junk. |
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Prediction |
AFC SOUTH |
Star Wars Character |
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Colts 11 - 5 |
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Luke Skywalker You aren't sure he is going to get it done in the end, but you can't imagine the story ending any other way. |
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Jaguars 10 - 6 |
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Salacious Crumb Sort of menacing at first glance, but easily defeated by lesser heroes. |
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Houston 6 - 10 |
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Bantha Slow moving herd animals who are easily mastered. |
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Tennessee 6 - 10 |
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Admiral Piett Competent leadership that is constantly failed by its underlings. |
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Prediction |
AFC WEST |
Star Wars Character |
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Chargers 14 - 2 |
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Darth Vader Very frightening, but never lived up to its incredible potential. |
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Denver 9 - 7 |
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Admiral Ackbar A brilliant strategist who always seems to fall into traps. |
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Kansas City 6 - 10 |
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Taun Taun You have to be careful because they'll let you ride them to death. |
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Oakland 3 - 13 |
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Storm troopers They may look tough, but they aren't. |
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Prediction |
NFC EAST |
Star Wars Character |
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Dallas 11 - 5 |
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Young Obi-Wan Has talented protégées, but it all could go horribly wrong. |
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Philadelphia 10 - 6 |
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Mace Windu Nearly defeated the Emperor. (Also McNabb would look badass wielding a purple lightsaber.) |
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New York 8 - 8 |
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Princess Leia Sibling of the chosen one. |
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Washington 7 - 9 |
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Jabba Rich and bloated. |
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Prediction |
NFC NORTH |
Star Wars Character |
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Chicago 12 - 4 |
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Anakin Brash and talented, but has no arm. |
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Minnesota 6 - 10 |
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Mon Mothma Really, really boring. |
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Green Bay 6 - 10 |
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Yoda Green and 800 years old. |
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Detroit 6 - 10 |
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Admiral Ozzel "He is as clumsy as he is stupid." |
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Prediction |
NFC SOUTH |
Star Wars Character |
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New Orleans 12 - 4 |
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Wedge His presence is nearly inexplicable, but he's going to be there in the end. |
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Carolina 7 - 9 |
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Millennium Falcon A favorite of everyone's, but may break down at exactly the wrong time. |
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Tampa Bay 3 - 13 |
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The Naboo Squadron Lots of pilots, none of them any good. |
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Atlanta 2 - 14 |
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Han Solo frozen in carbonite You couldn't be more screwed. |
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Prediction |
NFC WEST |
Star Wars Character |
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Seattle 10 - 6 |
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The planet Kamino Wet, rainy and wet. |
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St. Louis 9 - 7 |
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Kit Fisto Impressive looking warrior who is too easily defeated by the dark side. |
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Arizona 9 - 7 |
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Slave Princess Leia Always the sexy pick, but ends up choking you to death. |
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San Francisco 6 - 10 |
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Bail Organa A rich lineage in formal attire. |